22, please be nice to me. I beg u.

Umm, harus mulai darimana ya?

It’s 8th May 2022, and I sit at the side of my bed thinking with the laptop on and my Spotify playing my 2015 precious playlist (np: Runaway - All Time Low) oh, I wish I could just runaway from all this ~adult business~ and fly myself back to ‘2015 me’ with that super tan skin, super curly hair, got no lover, one-sided love, use my brain so hard to think where do I go when school over, and can’t even wear makeup correctly like what I always did today every morning before drive myself to office.

Now, I’m just stare at my unfinished workload but decide to write something before restart my life and turn to be the ‘Alma’s 22 years old version’. There’s nothing feel special when the sun rise in 9 May every year because no more the legend Harvest Strawberry Cheesecake my dad always bought for my birthday cake, or the last Cheesecake baked by him with a lot of cheese sprinkled all over it when I turned 9 years old in 2009. Cause a month later, he left me with a lot of things, questions, moments I haven’t ask or shared with him. 

I won’t regret anything, instead trying so hard to be grateful and cherish every moment that I live, a tiny process to be a better version of myself in everytime I woke up and begin a day. There’s the day when I feel not good and just cried my eyes out, or the day when I feel so much pressure and want to give it up and meet my dad in a beautiful park with a thousand of Mangga Indramayu Trees in heaven. But then I look up to my mom, family, friends and everyone who I love so much cause they give me a strength and reason to face all the shits in life. 

Even though I’m not so ready to be that ‘grown up woman’ but the wheels keep spinning right? and all I have to do just follow the flow and keep learning about everything so I can survive this crazy lil world with a lot of problems that need to be solved, a lot of questions that push to be answered, and a box with a bunch of surprises that have to be revealed ASAP. Can’t wait, see u my sweet-salty 21’s and welcome my very bright 22!!

All the love and warm-wet kisses,

Alma.